do not bring things with loathsome smell to osaka


After arriving at my hotel in Osaka’s Namba neighborhood, I relaxed a while and then checked out the place in more depth. The Osaka Namba Washington Hotel Plaza is in a great location near the Nipponbashi metro station and is inexpensive relative to other options in Osaka. That said, the hotel seems to be stuck in the 1980s as reflected in the decor, the availability of smoking rooms and in a phone directory which still lists the country code for Yugoslavia.

As I checked out the hotel information booklet, I came across the rules of the hotel. These rules really need no additional commentary. My bad mood brought on from the realization that there was no wifi in my room quickly turned to joy after I started reading these gems – written just as they appear.

To maintain the generality and reliability of the hotel, the guests of this hotel are requested to observe the following rules in accordance with the “Provisions Governing Accommodation Agreements Article 10.” In case one of these rules is violated by a certain guest, his or her stay will be discontinued regardless of the previous reservation in accordance with the “Provisions Governing Accommodation Agreements Article 11.”

1) Not to use any burner for heating and for cooking in the room or the hallway.
2) Not to smoke in bed or other places where the fire is easily caused.
3) Not to give annoyance to others by making a loud noise or disgusting behavior.
4) Not to bring the following items into the room or hall-way:
(a) Animals, birds, etc.
(b) Things with loathsome smell.
(c) Unusually large quantities of items.
(d) Explosive items such as powder, gasoline, etc.
(e) Illegally-owned guns or swords
5) Not to gamble or behave in a bemoralizing manner in this hotel
6) Not to bring visitors into the room and let them use the furnitures and fixtures without a sufficient cause
7) Not to hang up such items at the windows which will spoil the view of this hotel.

As I looked at the view of Osaka from my window I pondered how “bemoralizing” my behavior can get sometimes and was relieved that I had opted to leave my sword and ground sloth home. I wondered what constituted sufficient cause for a friend to stop by and use the lamp. As I usually affix “Palin 2016” stickers to every hotel window I come upon, I refrained from doing that too.

Since I had yet to do laundry, Rule (4) Section (b) filled me with anxiety. Would I be called out under the “Provisions Governing Accommodation Agreements Article 11”?